Erika got Married

[10.10.2010 1530]

Although I knew her, I could not say I knew her as well. 10.10.10 was a nice date for everyone. So nice, they decided to tie the knot together. And there I was, laughing at my colleague who will be a Thean Hou Temple for that very reason. I was not laughing later when I found out that Erika was doing the same thing. The only salvation was that it would not be at Thean Hou, among those sticky and sweating 300 pairs of couples. And I am not going anywhere that day because in the Birthday Lunch of the Four Sisters, people without boobies are not allowed to join.

Once again, let me tell you this. I hate crowds, and it does not matter if I am in an environment where everyone sweats or in an air-conditioned place. I just hate crowds. All those jostling, perfumes and deodorants mixed with sweat or week old unbathed bodies, and hair smelling of Brylcreem, coconut oil, etc. You get the picture. And so, if you happen to be there, do not expect just 300 couples. Because each half of the couple would have their own parents and siblings. And then very good friends by their sides. And also friends who take photos and carry flowers, drinks and well, just standing there for moral support. And not only that, you have reporters, media people, etc all with their own crews. And so, the 300 will quickly multiply to 600, then to 1800, then to 3600 and so on. The only happy soul would be the one collecting parking fees.

As for Erika's, its somewhere more remote, or someplace unexpected if you agree with me. I mean, I have passed by this place before many times and I did not realise it. Anyway, everyone was anxious to be there well before the appointed time of 1530. By 1450, we were there. In fact, everyone was there. We were so there, that we were practically living there. So there.

And so, we waited.

Yes, we waited.

We waited because someone was late.....

All the while, some of us were outside, hoping to catch a glimpse of them. And some were not happy because their mobile phones were 'off'. In a hurry to drive everyone there, i forgot my Mobile and we also reallsed Dad's credit had run out. And so, we waited.

And waited.

And waited..... And all the while, I was wondering, it they were caught in a jam, or have lost their way, or even eloped to Timbuktoo at the last minute.

And so, we waited...

By the time they showed up, everyone was already
melting in under the hot Sun. Nevermind if the fan
was set to 'fool'. But when they showed up, all the
hundreds of thousands of miliseconds of waiting
were forgiven. What a beautiful couple!

"No, no. Please accept the flowers again as token of
my Love to you forever."
"Sure or not? Already wilting la..."

"OK. Last chance. Listen carefully to me, you want
to get Married or not? There is still time for you
to run out of the door while I distract my family."

For the whole day, this place was very very busy and
its more like a factory to me. Families come in, they
do their part, sign, kissy-kissy, take pictures and then
go away to make space for other couples waiting in
line. Here, spot the odd photographer out.

And now, for the moment everyone has been
waiting/expecting for. It took years of planning,
alignment of the stars, planets, dust bunnies
and even other unexplainable things to get
everyone here together. Well, most of
everyone that I could think of....

You can see that the Groom is still undecided because
they're checking the fine print for any loopholes while
the bride is kicking his leg under the table......

Everyone sighed with relief when the Groom signed
the papers using the pen filled with non-fading ink

OK, she has double-checked to make sure he did
sign properly and not drawing doodles.

And now, it is Erika's turn which she did it flawlessly
on her slave ownership fo...er, Certificate.

And now the witness's turn. There is a reason for
this because if anything happens, the form is also
an automatic entry for Witness Protection Program.

This form is very important because not only
does it shows support for either parties but
also trust, family and sincerity. However, I do
believe someone is being paid to sign.
(And I shall have a percentage of this soon....)

And a final check to make sure everything is in order.
I would not be surprised if he suddenly asks if they
want to buy Insurance or not.....

And now, the final part where rings are exchanged.
His gift to her is of pure gold and precious stones.

While hers to him is a secret GPS locator device with
500KM radius and a built-in a 360 hours solid-state
voice recording downloadable via Class 'n' Wifi. Due
to time constraint, optional leng-lui alert and lie
detector was not installed.

Finally, in an attempt to please his new mistress,
the flowers are once again presented.

Finally a group photo which the man wanted for his
own records. In reality, it is a mug shot in case one
of them runs away or did not pay the money for the
whole ceremony.

After paying the money, we have the money shot

Guess who negotiated for a discount and won?

This is a Group Shot. This is not an Iron Man
family but its just that there were no more
extra Witness Forms....

Queues are already forming to take photos with the
new couple. Bear in mind, this is happy-hour where
you only have to pay RM 0.05 to get in.

Ah, what a moment. Erika and her
new slav...er, husband.

All the time, the groom put on a brave face
throughout the whole ordeal.

Then suddenly, his sanity returned
and he realised what he has done....