Getting irradiated

For some unknown reasons, I have to take an X-Ray today. Earlier on, they took my piss and maybe because I did not give them a full sample, they wanted to take revenge on me. Yep, they want me, to stand in front of a plate and shoot me full of accelerated particles.

So, when I went into the room, there was this cute Malay girl, asking me,
"Encik.. you boleh faham Bahasa?"
"Oh, tidak. Saya tak tahu cakap Bahasa."
"Ok, OK. You.. can.. cak.. speak English?"
"Oh no. I cannot. Saya tak tahu cakap English."

Yeah, this stunned her for quite some time before she started to talk in Bahasa and told me to take off my clothes and stand in front of the plate. After that, only did she realise I can speak and understand Bahasa. Wow. I think I can successfully confuse people now.

What the.... my lungs are black! Help!
I swear to you, I don't smoke! Help!