Workng Alone


This morning, Becky has posted a very poignant topic about working alone. In some cases, it is critical that one needs total concentration to complete a certain task to the point of almost projecting a hermit-like behaviour. Unfortunately, humans being humans, one can be judged as being aloof, arrogant or even a social outcast but never the true intentions.

It got me thinking. Yes, I more or less do my best work when there is no one to disturb me and I get to choose my choice of 'background noise'. I also do my best work when I am among friends or with like-minded people where they do not ask me questions and I get to hear funny anecdotes instead. However, on the subject of working alone, I always do find that I am... forever alone.

Even with a great crowd, there is always the feeling of being alone. Its not that I am coming to terms with the embarrassing fact that I was actually an introvert. Yet this is not as bad as when I discovered I was a brain-washed South-paw. It's more to do with the kind of 'Art' that I work on; Scale Lighting. There is no one to talk to apart from answering their questions on techniques and offering guidance. On many occasions in the past when I needed help on circuitry design and practical theories, looking for the right person always ended up in disappointment. Not only that, my more successful peers (Engineers) could not elicit even a slightest hint of guidance since this to them, is a waste of time and at one point, stupid. Even when I was working, it was also the same (most of the time). 

But that is not the real reason I do not talk to people. In fact, most of the time, I LOVE talking as I have considered myself to be very successful in misleading people while putting on a straight face. Most people I have conversed with, trusts me with their secrets which I would just upkeep my role as an attentive listener and try to forget about it later on. Its not fair to use these against them at any point in time. But you did not hear this small secret from that a new model is coming out soon. Still, that is also not the real reason I do not talk to people often. I could converse with a small group but get a little uncomfortable within a larger group or faced with a very outspoken person. That's also not the real reason either. Talking to people, I found out, can be very stressful but yet educational. It can help me on so many levels from learning more about modeling techniques, who's the real asshole, who is good in be... er, and so on. Working with a conducive crowd indirectly spawns a very positive brain-storming session and can possibly result in very a strong synergy among those present.

I am always thinking about several things at one time. I can't help it since this is how I am now. When I am not working, I think. If every topic was a ball, I would be an aloof juggler. So, sometimes, do not be surprised if you see me busy staring off into space or giving you 'wrong' answers as I am actually planning on how to kill y.... er, anyway, I am always thinking. Last time, it was pure imaginations but now, its more of a 'what if scenarios' since I am trying to get ahead as much as I can with my limited free time everyday. While walking, or on the train, I can think about a certain problem which befuddles me and simulate a 'what if' scenario on it. By the time I come home, in theory, I would be more than ready to put the theory to test. Unless I have totally forgotten about it.

(By now, you can see how I have drifted off topic)
In summary, sometimes, I get get excellent results when working alone and also, even better results when I am not working alone. When I am working within a favourable crowd, I still wok alone. And when I am not working alone, I worked alone. The crowds and either encourage or slow me down but I'll still be working alone, doing things my way. Why is this so dangerously important yet more importantly, useless?

I work alone because I can, not because I need to.