I love procedures

Me: OK, see this card? When I slot it in again, the system shuts down.

Customer #1: OK. So, this card is fried.

Me: Yep. I would like to take it back for repair. Can you do the release documentation for me?

Customer #1: Yes. Just let me get them.....

He goes away for a while and then a young lady comes along.

Customer #2: Hold it. What's wrong with the card?

Me: Its fried. Need to take it back for repair

Customer #2: Don't you have tools with you? Can't you just repair it here?

Me: Nope.

Customer #2: Why not? I thought you were the specialist here?

Me: Lady, if you got a stomach ache, you'd go to the Doctor and he'll tell you that you have a problem. You want more, you'd have to get your stomach into the operating room, OK?

Customer #2: Then why did you come here? I am not going to pay you for this trip. How come you did not tell us before you're coming here?

Me: Look. I am here because of your dealer. They called us. And so, you deal with them, OK?

After a few rounds of me calling my Boss, my Boss calls the Dealer, the Dealer calls the customer, the customer calls the Dealer, etc. Its finally settled.

Customer #2: Well, don't mind me, we're only following procedures and we're looking for honest people. My friend recommended them as their service is good (and they called us instead. Right.) We don't want to deal with the main distributor. You know why we dropped them?
[She's trying to play games and get cosy but I stood my ground]

Me: I know why you dropped them. Their service charges are legendary. Well, don't mind me too. Usually this thing can be repaired in less than three days....
[Now I turn the tables on her]

Customer #2: Yeah? Really? That's good.

Me: But now, I HAVE to follow procedures too. So, this will take time, maybe two weeks since we have to diagnose it, call the dealer who in turn will call you.... bla bla bla.

Customer #2:
[Looking defeated] OK, but don't repair it first, OK? My Boss knows about these cards and he knows enough electronics to know when you will cheat us.

Me: OK, why not we do this. I will leave this card with you so you can get your expert Boss to have a look at it and repair the card himself.

Customer #2: Er, ........... (thinking hard) can I have your namecard?

Me: No. We're under this dealer, so you have to deal with them.

Customer #2: You told me you have serviced this company years before
[which is true, since I was with the main distributor in the mid-90's], can I contact you?

Me: Nope. You'd have to call the dealer directly since they called us to service you.

Later on, at the office, after I relate the whole thing to my Boss, we both agreed not to service this customer in the near future since they're giving so much crap. And from the vibes, we know collecting money from them is not easy. Hate dealing with people who think they know everything and likes to be the Boss. I have been to this company before and I can say this: Nothing has changed.

And the victim? Its the poor system here
plus a few extensions which will not work
while the card is gone