This is so Punny

[I love puns. But I do not know why others hate them]

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:


#1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

#2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says, "Dam!"

#3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.

#4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

#5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

#6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After
about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

#7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

#8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would
not. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars, trashed
their store, and said he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they
did so, thereby proving once and for all that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

#9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him ..... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good).... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

#10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns =
to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make =
them laugh. No pun in ten did.